Thursday, September 22, 2011

Chat Up Lines!

A friend of mine was just messaging me about a footballer she met on Tuesday night at a fashion week after party and the lines he used on her. He walked across the club to her and said.. "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" She looked at him, laughed and replied, "No, but it might hurt when I kick your balls!"

I am in stiches! He is a known footballer, earns more money a week than most of us do in a year (or two), can get any slore he wants for a quick romp, yet he is still using chat up lines! Quality.

So here I am thinking about the kind of chat up lines I have heard in the past. You know, when you are at a club/bar with your girls and a guy comes over and says, "Sorry I can't talk to you any more, the doctor told me I'm diabetic and I cant handle sweet things like you."
Personally, to me, even if it was the sweetest comment ever, I think I would still laugh. Why do guys feel the need to use chat up lines? Why can't you just be yourself?

If you want to talk to a girl in a club, go over to her and say "Hey, I noticed you and think you are really pretty and would like to get to know you." Simple. Honest. Truthful. No bullshit! That is what I would like. Unfortunately, the kind of chat up lines I get are, "If you were a burger you'd be McGorgeous." Or "I was just curious, Are you as good in bed as that guy says you are?" Delightful.

So I have come up with some comebacks for the chat up lines that I have heard.. Ladies, if you get any of these, please use the comebacks and let me know what happens!

Q. "Do you come here often?"
A. Not any more

Q. "Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day."
A. Im knackered, so you start doing the running and run along.

Q. "What's your sign?"
A. (Stick your middle finger up)

Q. "Do you have a map? I just keep getting lost in those eyes."
A. If my eyes are telling you to get lost, you should take the hint.

Q. "I'd love to see how you look when I'm naked."
A. Well, if your penis as is small as your hands and feet, you'll see the back of me walking out the door.

I am giggling so much from writing these. Would love to see if any of the guys reading have any chat up lines and if yes what are they and have they worked? Girls, what is the funniest or cheesiest or worst chat up line you have ever heard?

Please leave comments below or email me: or tweet me @LittleMissVak and please "like" my facebook page

Little Miss V..xx

Friday, September 16, 2011


According to Wikipedia, “Sexting” is, “The Act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones."

A recent survey conducted revealed that 36% of women are sending or posting nude images of ourselves to guys. 72% send them to be 'fun or flirtatious', and 59% will send snaps as a sexy present for their boyfriend. For a lot of us, sexting can help keep the relationship going, especially when it is long distance and you aren’t able to see each other as often as you would like to.

There is something strangely anonymous about the internet and even mobile phones, not when you are speaking, but when the communication takes place through a keyboard. It is very easy to type something reckless…crazy…risqué…yes you see the words, but most of us feel less of a commitment emotionally to the written word. Many men can write the words “I love you” in a valentine’s card or in a text message, but actually saying those three little words out loud, no chance!! In much the same way, writing down what you would like to do sexually is a lot easier than saying it. I mean, whilst in the bedroon, could you actually say out loud the things you told this partner you would do to them over instant chat?

Now days, it seems to be all over the media where a celebs phone has been stolen and naked photos have been found. This happened to Rihanna, Vanessa Hudgens, Blake Lively, Amber Rose and that is just a few to name. Some would say it was a publicity stunt, some will say they had the pictures on their phones to send to partners. So how do we know this will not happen to us? How do you know, the person you are sending a picture of yourself in your bra and panties, is not going to show all of their friends?

Personally, I see "sexting" as a harmelss bit of fun. Girls, if you want to message a guy naughty words and tell him all the things you want to do to him, DO IT! Boys, if you want to send a picture of your jolly rancher to a girl, DO IT! If you are going to say things, live up to it. No point being all mouth. (Well, depends where your mouth is going to be!)
A piece of advice, do not go showing all of your friends, because it can easily slip out and thats when trouble starts. A friend of mine had pictures of this guys package on her phone. They then had a big fight and she threatened to get the picture printed and put up in shops in his local area. Could you image the horror? (I saw the picture and his whole piece was a horror in itself already) but walking past your local cafe and seeing that in the window!

Keep sexting relevant and to the point.
Keep it for youself! It is not meant for anyone elses eyes but yours!
Have fun!
Do not sext with someone you do not know and have met on the internet. They say they are a 28 year old man from Manchester, when really it is a 79 year old granddpa of 7 from Uzbekistan!
Be safe!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.. Comment below or email me at or tweet me @LittleMissVak.
Also, please "like" my facebook page.

Lotsa Love..

Little Miss V..xx

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

We See Fireworks in Edinburgh - Highlights

We had a wonderful time showing We See Fireworks in Edinburgh at the wonderfully eccentric and welcoming Museum of Edinburgh. Closeted in the upper most part of the 17th Century building we filled our beautiful Lecture Room space with flickering light and ghosted voices as over 600 people visited the installation to surround themselves with remembered performative encounters. We even had some reviewers take the trip along Canongate to visit us, read what The Herald and Three Weeks had to say...!
Our lightbulbs are now being carefully bubble-wrapped and shipped off to Grenswerk 11 in the Netherlands for a run from the 25 September to 2 October 2011. We will also be presenting the new film work of We See Fireworks as part of the Australian Theatre Forum 2011 from 14 - 16 September at Brisbane Powerhouse.